


I Didn't Want to be Alone

by DontStopBaylieving



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Brotherly Love, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Gen, I gave Loki a funeral, Loki lives through Infinity War, Non-graphic suicide, Not A Fix-It, Suicide, This Is Sad, Vormir goes a different direction, he deserved it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 16:50:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18855103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontStopBaylieving/pseuds/DontStopBaylieving
Summary: The two of them land on Vormir with a flash and instantly Loki feels the Soul Stone’s energy. He doesn’t have to look very far to have a hint of where it might be. In front of them are sand dunes alternating with shallow pools around the base of a large mountain, surrounded by dark clouds. Ominous. Seems about right.





	I Didn't Want to be Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate Title: How Loki Should Have Died (if he had to die at all)
> 
> "Village" by Cam was one of the songs that inspired me when I wrote this.  
> "Helvegen" by Wardruna, Aurora and Oslo Fagottkor is the song I had imagined during the funeral scene.
> 
> Took a break from my other fic for this one. I still haven't like fully recovered from Endgame yet. Honestly, none of us were really happy with Loki's death in IW so I gave him an alternate, more meaningful one. 
> 
> Just as a warning to some: if Natasha's death bothered you in Endgame, I wouldn't read this. I tagged it as suicide just to be careful!

The two of them land on Vormir with a flash and instantly Loki feels the Soul Stone’s energy. He doesn’t have to look very far to have a hint of where it might be. In front of them are sand dunes alternating with shallow pools around the base of a large mountain, surrounded by dark clouds. Ominous. Seems about right.

Loki begins to walk, keeping a steady pace until he notices there is a lack of footsteps following him. He turns around to see Thor, lying on one of the sand dunes. Loki’s head falls back in frustration and he returns to where his brother seems to have decided it’s time for a nap.

“Brother come on. We don’t have the time to waste,” Loki hisses and nudges the man with his boot.

“I do not believe I should do this,” Thor whispers and takes a swig of his beer. Loki hadn’t even noticed he managed to get a beer into this realm and is almost impressed.

“This is not a time to wallow in your woes, Thor.”

“I’m going to mess it up again, Loki. What if I just-just stay here?” Thor pats the sand around him.

“No, we do this quickly and you can return to that hut of yours and go back to playing house with Korg. Get up.”

Thor grumbles and stumbles to his feet. He reaches out for Loki to steady him. “Alright. Let’s go.”

The path up the mountain is long and winding. Thor lags behind Loki, neither speaking. Loki is reminded of a time when Thor would have proudly taken the lead, making sure everyone knew he was in charge. They both had changed, neither were the men they were back then.

“I hate climbing,” Thor groans, cutting off Loki’s thoughts as they round towards the top. Thor sets Stormbreaker on the ground by its handle, leaning over the head to catch his breath and Loki only wants to kick it out from under him a little bit.

Loki notices the footprints in the snow, centuries worth of them, paving a path towards the temple-like structure coming into view ahead of them. When Loki looks up, the wind dies down and a figure is standing in their path.

“Welcome, Thor, son of Odin. Welcome, Loki, son of Frigga.”

Loki can see from the corner of his eye Stormbreaker being raised in defense. Thor sways on his feet but remains upright. “How do you know us?”

“It is my curse to know all who journey here.”

“And the stone?” Loki questions.

“Son of Frigga, before you begin, know that the Stone… extracts a terrible price.”

“We have the currency to pay for it, right Brother?” Thor remarks with a smugness that only he could pull off. Loki nods minutely.

“Most believe the same when they come looking for the stone,” the hooded figure remarks and turns his back towards them. “They are all wrong.”

“Who are you?” Thor demands, slurring the last word. 

“A lifetime ago, I, too, sought the stones. I even held one in my hand. But it cast me out, banished me here. Guiding others to a treasure I cannot possess.”

“The Tesseract,” Loki states, he remembers the story from when they discussed the stones and their locations. He immediately recognizes the man as Johann Schmidt or as Tony called him the ‘Red Skull’.

“Yes, its presence has graced you as well, Loki. And you seek a second stone? Only those who are mad would seek more than one.”

“I’m well aware. I’ve been called mad a few thousand times before.”

“Very well. Follow me.”

The brothers obey, lowering their weapons. The man leads them up a small path to where two large formations open up onto a half-circle with etchings on the ground. Loki steps closer to the edge of the cliff and looks down. Far, far below is a full circle with similar engraved decoration. Thor, too, looks over the edge but quickly backs away, pulling Loki with him.

“What must we do to retrieve it?” Thor asks gesturing around them. “The price.”

“The Soul Stone has a certain wisdom, it must ensure that whoever possesses it will understand its power,” Red Skull speaks but only looks at Thor.

“Do not speak in such riddles, we do not have the time.”

“In order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love.”

“A soul for a soul.” Loki says through clenched teeth. He can’t look at Thor.

Thor turns towards Loki, eyes wide. “You knew?”

“Yes,” Loki whispers.

Of course, Loki had known. He and Nebula had grown very close over the past five years both having their fair share of “annoying, older adoptive siblings” and attempts at killing those siblings. Loki had it figured out immediately when Thanos arrived on Titan without Gamora, his favored daughter. It was also not by chance that Loki had volunteered them for this mission, knowing full well that two of them would enter the Quantum realm but one would come back.

“No. There has to be another way. We can kill him without it… please,” Thor crosses the circle to pull Loki back.

“Thor… There’s no other way. One of us must die.”

“Then we are agreed.”

“I have a feeling we aren’t speaking of the same person, Thor.”

“I’ll do it.”

“And why do you believe that?”

“Loki, I have done nothing for five years. I’m just a drunkard King whose people hate me. I’m the reason that everyone is dead. I’ve been nothing but a failure,” Thor says, lowering his eyes. Loki takes the few steps between them and places a tender hand on his shoulder. “Don’t you think I deserve to die.”

“No.”

“No? That’s all you have to say to that? Of course.”

“No, I think you deserve to live. Nothing you have done is worthy of your death. You missed his head, yes, others made mistakes that day too. Thor, you have a chance to redo this. I will not let you abandon your team and our people for me.”

“I’ll never be able to recover. That’s why it should be me, Loki. I don’t know if I can face Thanos again if this all works.”

“You will face Thanos. You will stand by the sides of heroes that have earned their place beside you. You will win so long as you protect them. The only way for you to do that is to let me die.”

“Brother, I can’t- I can’t watch you die again.”

“Then don’t watch, “Loki says and his image ripples, an illusion. Thor looks up and sees Loki on the other side of the circle, running for the edge of the cliff. He immediately takes off after Loki, barely catching his suit as one foot leaves the edge and using his momentum Thor throws Loki back.

“You are mad, Loki! Just stay down!”

“No!” Loki launches at his brother, managing to tackle him to the ground. Thor reacts immediately, surprising Loki with his sudden agility, rolling out from underneath his brother and using all of his strength to press Loki to the ground.

For the first time, the two of them are not fighting against each other. This is a fight for one another. Both scrapple and claw their way towards the edge, trying everything to stop the other. It isn’t a clean fight, not by a long shot. There is an unfair use of biting, scratching, and hair pulling. Finally, Thor has Loki pinned.

Both are breathing heavily as Thor reaches out his hand and calls Stormbreaker. He takes it and places it on Loki’s chest. “Brother, no more fighting. This ends now. I love you, I’m sorry. I will greet Mother for you.”

Thor turns back towards the cliff. He doesn’t look back and prepares himself to jump. Just as he reaches the edge, a hand grabs his shoulder and throws him backward. Thor’s head hits the ground hard and when it bounces, he sees Loki, standing in front of him, Stormbreaker held aloft in his hand. Loki quickly uses his newfound power to knock Thor back against a rock pillar.

Thor’s vision dances for a second before blinking a few times. He gapes in awe at his brother carrying the ax. “You are…”

“Worthy? Yes, well it seems so. It’s about damn time. Mjolnir always hated me. Stormbreaker seems to have a better opinion,” Loki jokes but the tension in the air is too much for it to land. Thor tries to stand but finds Loki’s magic binding his torso to the rock pillar, preventing him from getting up.

“Loki… you knew we both would be here. Why would you bring me, Brother? It is an easy choice, to let me do this, but you refuse. Instead, you barter your own life… again. Why?”

Loki shakes his head, kneeling next to his brother. Loki struggles to form words as sadness creeps up in his chest. Loki just shakes his head again. It was foolish to believe he could convince Thor to let him do this without having to actually talk about it. Their family had never really utilized the whole “talk your feelings out” way of coping. He hoped this would be a similar situation.

“Loki! Help me understand… for once in your life just tell me why.”

“It would have been easier to take one of the others,” Loki finally says after a few moments. “I don’t think they would complain about my decision, but they don’t... love me. The sacrifice would never work.”

“That can’t be your only reason, Loki. It can’t,” Thor begs.

“You also wouldn’t believe them if I didn’t return. You would try to bring me back and it would consume you. You would pull further away from what needs to be done, Thor.”

“Brother, enough with the lies!”

“I didn’t want to be alone.”

“Loki...”

“Death has eluded me for many years, Thor, my fall from the Bifrost, the Void, Thanos’ imprisonment, Svartalfheim, Asgard’s doom, the Statesman. The fates have refused to let me die… no matter how much I begged them.”

“And you don’t believe they’ve kept you from Death for a reason? You believe they won’t somehow see you survive this?”

“I can’t be sure. Thor, I’m tired. I’m tired of running, of hiding, of living a life that’s not really a life. Thanos needs to die and this is my way of killing him. I’d rather die for the chance of stopping him than to die at his hands. I plead with you to let me do this. Let me earn my place in Valhalla.”

“I’m sorry,” Thor whispers, motioning Loki closer. Loki obliges although wary; he kneels next to his brother. “Brother, I’m sorry I wasn’t better to you. I’m sorry I never noticed until too late that father treated you different, I’m sorry I treated you as anything lesser than myself. I’m sorry I didn’t get my head out of my ass sooner.”

“I never lied when I told you all I ever wanted was to be your equal.”

“No, Loki. I was too ignorant to realize that we weren’t equals. You were always so much more than I, you who would have made a great king. You are a great king. You and Brun are the only reason that New Asgard still stands. You deserve the throne more than I.”

“I’ve been saying that for years,” Loki smirks and Thor rolls his eyes, but Loki can see the tears welling up in them. “But thank you… I appreciate that more than you know. I’m sorry too, for all the times I wasn’t the brother you wanted, for all the times I made you hate me and for all the times I hated you. It wasn’t your fault. I was blinded by betrayal and my own rage to realize that you and Mother had the love for me that I so craved from Father. I’m sorry.”

A timer beeps on Loki’s watch, signaling that there isn’t much time left before they are to be back. Loki looks down and unhooks the Pym particles from his belt and holds it in his hand.

“Loki, please don’t. I don’t think I can bear another loss. I can’t lose you.”

“Yes you can. You have a family with them, where I do not. Trust and give them the love they give you. Rocket and Banner will not make sure you fall into despair again. With the Avengers is where you belong.” Loki pleads, pressing his forehead to Thor’s. “I’m sorry. I have to do this”

Thor nods and hugs his brother tightly, not willing to let him go. A sound of glass cracking has Thor looking down, seeing the vial of Pym particles being crushed in Loki’s hand, sealing his fate. “Brother, please

“I can hear her, Thor. Mother. She is calling to me. I wish you could hear her, it’s so lovely,” Loki says, and tears stream down his face. “I miss her Thor. I’m ready to find the sun again.”

“Brother, you said ‘us’ that day. The sun will shine on us. You lied,” Thor sobs into Loki’s ear.

“No, brother, it will shine on us,” Loki reaches up and uses Stormbreaker to slice a strand of hair from his head. Tearfully, he braids it into his brothers. “I’ll tell Mother… and Father you said hello.”

“I love you, Loki. Don’t go.”

“I love you, don’t ever doubt that, brother. My dying fidelity, remember? That’s how we know this will work.” Loki whispers and places his palm to Thor’s forehead. “Your best memory of us, please bring it to your mind. Any of them, we had so many. That time that Mother took us to Vanaheim when we were young. You in that stupid wedding dress.”

Thor nods, tears streaming down his face. He gently closes his eyes; Loki quickly brings forth Thor’s memory of them and locks it in place. Thor wouldn’t be able to leave it until the spell had broken. Loki enters the memory as well.

~~~

“Loki?”

“Thor? What are you doing here? I thought you were allergic to the library,” Loki scoffs and gives his brother a glare.

Thor shrugs and slides into the seat next to his brother. Thor opens a book next to him and pretends to be reading. Thor fidgets in his seat for a few minutes, opening and closing his mouth several times like he is thinking of words to say.

“You look like a fish out of the water, Thor. What do you want?”

“Mother yelled because I skipped class today. It’s not like it’s my fault, who wants to sit through 4 hours of ‘Plants, Population, and Diplomacy’? Those don’t even go together.”

“You fool, I enjoyed that one,” Loki teases but finds himself looking over at Thor, guilt on his face. “I skipped training with Father today. I’m sure I will be cleaning the stalls for the next 100 years. He’s just so rough with me and tells me I can’t use my daggers.”

Thor winces. Father’s punishments were never light.

“Would you rather just go raid the kitchen and avoid dinner?” Thor asks, a mischievous glint in this eye.

“I thought you’d never ask, brother.”

The two boys laugh and take off down the hall.

Later the two are laughing wildly in Thor’s room, the bed covers littered with crumbs of sweets that they had stuffed themselves full of. Their plan had gone off very well and they talk loudly about how stealthy they were. However, if you had asked the staff that day, Thor had whispered none too quietly and Loki had dropped a few pastries on their way out of the kitchen.

“Brother?” Thor whispers, looking over at his sibling who seems is almost asleep.

“What Thor?”

“We’ll always be best friends, right?”

Loki opens one eye, peeking over at Thor. “What makes you ask?”

Thor shrugs and Loki closes his eyes.

“I like to think we will be best friends forever,” Thor speaks.

“Me too,” Loki says and reaches out a hand which Thor takes happily.

~~~

Loki pulls his consciousness out of the memory and smiles. With each step forward the voice singing somewhere in the distance gets louder until it is the only thing Loki can hear. It’s easy to recognize the old lullaby from his childhood. His mother was calling him home.

For the first time in many, many years the weight of Loki’s past no longer feels so overbearing. Thanos will be stopped and Loki looks forward to a peaceful ending. Loki embraces the sound of his mother’s voice and takes one step, eyes closed. Loki falls. This time, he isn’t afraid.

~~~

“It’s prepared, Your Majesty.” 

“Thank you, Brunnhilde. For everything.”

“It’s nothing, Thor.”

“But it is, you and Loki acted more as rulers in the past five years than I have. I appreciate you holding everything together. I owe you a great debt.”

“Well maybe you can rub my feet sometime,” Brunnhilde jokes and it brings a smile to Thor’s face, “I really don’t mind, Thor, it’s for the good of Asgard.”

“For the good of Asgard,” Thor agrees. Thor adjusts his new armor, for the first time in what feels like years. His hair and beard braided neatly, knowing full well he would be chastised by Loki if he showed up to his funeral dressed like a slob. 

“Is there anything else I can do?”

“No, you have outdone yourself, as always. I owe it to him to do this. I’ve said goodbye to him before, it’s the first time it’s felt real.”

“We’re with you, Thor. All of us.”

“Thank you.”

Outside Thor hears the drums begin to beat, signaling dawn. Thor walks the table where Loki’s helmet sits. He feels selfish not wanting to give it up but he doesn’t want to risk his brother not getting into Valhalla because he feels sentimental. Finally, he takes a deep breath and shifts the helmet to one hand and grabs Stormbreaker in the other. 

He steps out and immediately the people around fall silent. Brunhilde falls behind to his left and Bruce takes his other side. The Asgardian people had taken a strong liking to Bruce since the destruction of Asgard. Thor is thankful for their friendship. 

The path to the shore is long and winding, at least it feels so. A song fills the empty air and Thor can hear Brunnhilde singing along as they walk, Thor joins in as well. Finally, they reach the dock where the boat is prepared. Thor steps on one last time and adds Loki’s helmet to his other belongings where they lay on the pyre. Loki’s daggers, armor, and green cloak sit. Thor feels his hands shake as he adds the helmet, without a body it’s the best they could do. 

“Goodbye, Brother.”

He steps off the boat and with a shove, sends it out to sea. He walks back to where Brunhilde and the rest of the Avengers stand. Thor steps forward and takes the bow and lights the arrow tip. He raises the bow to his cheek and let's go. The arrow hits its mark without fail. The ship begins to take flame and Thor takes a deep breath. 

“Lo, There do I see my Father, and  
Lo, there do I see my Mother, and  
Lo, There do I see my Brothers and my Sisters and  
Lo, There do I see my people back to the beginning, and  
Lo, they do call to me,  
Loki, we bid you take your place among them in the halls of Valhalla,  
Where the brave will live forever.  
Nor shall we mourn but rejoice for those that have died the glorious death”

Thor lifts Stormbreaker and slams it’s hilt upon the ground, lightning flashes across the empty sky and ashes rise far into the sky. 

Thor turns to his people and to the Avengers. “My brother once tried to tell me when we were younger that I was not ready for the throne, I did not believe him. We all believed he lived in a world of jealousy, my family included. However, Loki had been right and at the time, only sought what was best for Asgard and it wasn’t with my rule. It took the loss of my mother, father, friends, my home, and Loki himself, several times before I understood what it takes to be your King. I understand that I have failed you but I am willing to take my place and do my part to protect you and the Nine Realms. I was not ready then but I am ready now, Asgard. My brother’s death shall not be in vain. We have lost our home, our families, our peace. My brother sacrificed himself so that we could regain those loved ones so that we could build anew. On this day that we grieve, as I grieve, we grow stronger. I vow that our future shall be one of strength and fulfillment. The sun shall shine on us again.”

Thor is met with cheers, before turning around towards the dock where he can still see the ship burning in the distance. Thor closes his eyes and listens to the waves. When he opens them, the sun has emerged and the sky is painted gold. Thor lets the sun warm him for a moment before turning around and joining his friends. Tomorrow, they are bringing everyone back. They have work to do. 

~~~

Loki’s eyes open to a bright blue sky, a stark contrast to what he last remembers seeing. He looks down to investigate his injuries but finds none. The suit he was wearing is gone and is replaced with his armor, helmet, daggers, and cloak. 

He stands at a set of grand doors, golden and ivory with millenniums worth of etching upon them. He can hear people talking on the other side, stories of glorious battles and stories of their loved ones. It’s a sound Loki never really thought he would hear.

Loki reaches a hand up to open the door it opens with ease and reveals a grand dining room, filled with tables as far as he can see. As he steps in, all of the people stand and bow to him. 

“Prince Loki, of Asgard, Odinson, God of Mischief,” someone announces and his name is echoed by the thousands of warriors in the hall before everyone begins to feast again. 

Loki’s eyes scan the room for familiar faces but when he does not find it, he turns back to the open door. A choice, Loki supposes, maybe he could get back to Thor, he read somewhere that-

“My child.”

Loki’s head whips around and is finally face to face with Frigga. Her smile fills him with sudden sorrow as she places both hands on either cheek. She kisses his forehead. “You sang to me,” Loki whispers.

“It was always your favorite lullaby. You would soothe as soon as the tune left my lips. I knew you might get lost along the way, knowing you and your penchant with death, so I called you home.”

Loki is still taking everything in and leans into her touch, one he had not felt since before he fell from the Bifrost. “Mother, I’m sorry. I was the reason you-”

“My child, you did nothing I did not foresee you doing. I know you would never deliberately hurt me. When you were a babe, when Odin lay you in my arms and your gaze met mine, I knew what would happen. I tried my best to change your future but I failed.”

“You, of them all, never failed me. It was I who failed you.”

“That makes my heart oh so much lighter Loki.”

“Is Father here?”

“Oh yes, he’s is waiting for you but now is not the time. This is a place of rest, Loki. Our feuds of the past are long gone.”

“But Thor…”

“Is fine. Come. Take your place among the brave, my child, you've earned it.”

Loki nods and the doors shut with such a finality behind him. Overhead, the sun rests on his face and Loki, for the first time in many years, rests.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this please leave a comment or a kudos! They really inspire me to keep writing! I always like to hear from you all. 
> 
> Also, if you follow my other fic "What Makes Us Happy" I am working on an update and do plan to finish it, I just don't know when. Sorry about leaving it for so long.
> 
> Tumblr: http://mylifethroughthetrees.tumblr.com/


End file.
